Once you know.... you can't "un-know"

Often i get caught up in the stress of having children, paying bills and trying to live a decent life. I can feel stressed and bad that i don't have the money to do everything that i want to do or have everything i want. Sure my living room set is second hand, and i drive a 2000 Ford Focus. While i work hard, sometimes it feels like its never getting any easier.

While arriving at my local grocery store i spotted a young woman with two very small children holding a sign that read, NO JOB, NO FOOD and NO MONEY, PLEASE HELP.  When i looked at the young woman's face i saw shame and exhaustion.  When i entered the grocery store i got inspired and planned on buying a few items that she may use, diapers, wipes, some fruit for the little girl etc. But then my thoughts crept in.  Not of debating about helping her, i wouldn't questions her motives or victim blame, but thoughts about my presumptions to think i know what she needs. 

By isle 5 I told myself i did not want to insult her and would give her a few dollars... by isle 7 i was thinking that if i gave her money that there would be no guarantee that she would get to keep it or use if for her children. The likelihood of a man waiting for her to return to give up her "bounty" was very high. By Isle 13 i was just hoping she would be gone when i was done so that it would not be something i had to look at and face.

After paying and bagging my groceries i headed out to the car and there she was, with her two small children right as i walked out. I looked her in the eyes and she gave me a smile. My heart dropped. I couldn't wrap my brain around the desperation that this woman must feel to be so vulnerable to people's comments and judgements.

I put my groceries in the car and headed back in. This time i just acted, i didn't think. I bought ten dollars worth of food, (bread, peanut butter,, bananas) and headed out. I also took out a business card and gave it to her with my non-profit organizations hotline number on it.

She thanked me, her daughter thanked me and i rushed away.

Then i sat in my car and cried.

Once you know something, you can't "un-know" it. I know that the odds of that woman being in a home with violence and abuse if 1 out of 4, i know that those children are prime candidates fro predators... i know that whatever her circumstances i couldn't change them... but i do know that a little kindness goes a long way.