Top of the world

Up the road from my parents house they were beginning to build a development of houses. The boys and I would spend hours walking through the newly cleared lots and the small paved roads. The area was vacant yet somehow the energy of what was to come was clear. Mason was 5 and Dylan was 3 and we had recently moved away from their father. We were all struggling to figure out what our new life meant and what we wanted to become. We would spend hours up there. Exploring the woods, finding the best sticks. Mason was always the leader. As the bigger brother he would tell Dylan where to look or caution him if it seems like the terrain was unsafe. He was determined and focused on the task at hand.

Fast forward 13 years and we spent the day yesterday helping him get settled into his college dorm. I could tell he was nervous when he didn't want to eat breakfast. What do you say to your grown child in these moments? As he unpacked and set up his desk, I rubbed his back for a brief moment. I didn't want him to feel that I was invading his space, but I wanted him to know that I was there and that I understood.

Several times throughout the day as we were walking around campus and completing some of the tasks I looked at him and smiled. He is still that determined and focused child. I told him I was proud of him and that I believed in him.

Its bitter sweet really. These last few years he and I have had a complicated relationship. Three years ago he moved in with his father and our time together has been sparse. Sports, jobs, school and girls were his priority so I never pressured him to spend time with me, but sent weekly reminders that I loved him and I was there.  I felt so honored that he wanted me to be there on this day.

I know he will do well. I know that his intelligence, determination and charm will help him succeed. I can't help but still see him as that 5 year old who was ready to conquer the world. I know he will.